From Grief to Thanksgiving Gratitude: Keeping Their Spirit Alive This Holiday Season

Grief can feel so heavy sometimes, but especially during the holidays. So, when you’re in the thick of it, the idea of Thanksgiving gratitude may feel hard to come by.

Christmas Eve 2022, I backed my car into the garage, closed the door, and let out a sigh of relief as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

I didn’t have to pretend anymore.

Earlier that day I smiled. I greeted others. I hugged people. I watched the happy couples sharing their love; the fathers hugging their children. And I pretended I wasn’t broken. But as soon as the door went down, so did my mask.

Why me? Why my husband? Why my family?

Why GOD?!

Misery set into my heart, and the deep sadness of grief took over.

Struggling to breathe, I let out deep sobs as I wondered, why?

Have you been there? The moment when the weight of grief feels unbearable, and you can barely form a coherent thought beyond “Why, God?”

Maybe you’ve had to plaster on a smile at a holiday gathering, holding back tears for the sake of others. Or perhaps you’ve cried alone, wishing you could escape the ache in your chest.

I see you, friend. I understand that pain. It feels endless, like a storm without a break. Grief doesn’t care about the holidays, does it? It shows up anyway, uninvited and unrelenting. And the idea of thanksgiving gratitude feels impossible.

Christmas 2022 marked my husband’s absence from our youngest baby’s first Thanksgiving and Christmas. And our middle child had turned 5 without him. And every day continued to move on, despite my heart being stuck. It being a painful reminder that the love I cherished for so long was gone. I felt like one half of a broken puzzle, never to be whole again.

Or so I thought.

Grief comes in waves. Sometimes we manage to keep it at bay, but other times it crashes over us so powerfully that we can barely come up for air. And when we finally do, another wave catches us off guard, pulling us under again.

If this is where you find yourself this holiday season, I promise you—you are not alone.

Even in this place of sorrow, there is a way forward. Gratitude can feel impossible in the midst of loss, but it can also be a lifeline. But, how do we find gratitude when our hearts are broken?

Jesus. That’s how.

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1. Acknowledge Your Loss

Now, I wish I could tell you it’s an easy process, but it isn’t. Step one towards moving through grief to gratitude starts with acknowledging your loss.

I know this might sound silly, but so many times I’ve found myself stuffing down the loss of my husband (and now brother) to “keep going”. And while sometimes that’s necessary, our incessant need to keep pushing forward forces us to ignore the ache of loss. But, when that becomes our natural tendency rather than acknowledging our true feelings, we become like a shaken can of soda – inadvertently waiting for the little crack in the can to explode.

And let me tell you, when the crack comes, the pressure that has been stuffed down explodes all over everything and everyone around it.

But what happens if we don’t release the pressure?

Have you ever seen a soda can that you can tell has been damaged and is full of pressure? It starts to get bent out of shape, it bulges, and at times it no longer stands upright. And when it becomes so full, it becomes obvious to everyone who sees it that it’s ready to explode.

I had my shaken soda moment in September of 2024 – 3 months after the death of my only brother. After months of stuffing down my feelings for the sake of others, I accidentally cracked my can and EXPLODED!

On my way to work I put on one of my favorite worship songs – Yahweh Will Manifest Himself. And for a moment I sang along…

Yahweh, Rafa, Elohim
Shaddai, Jireh, Adonai
Will manifest Himself…

Honestly, I think what happened next was a God moment. The Holy Spirit overcame and popped the top because He knew I could never willingly do it myself.

As I pulled into the parking lot of my work, I could no longer hold back the tears, and deep sobs were exploding out of me.

Minutes of crying turned into hours and sat hyperventilating in my car struggling with the fact that the two men I leaned on in this world – my husband and only brother are no longer with me.

(If you want to read more about what God showed me in this moment, check out [How a stranger saved my life in the middle of a parking lot last September]).

I know, I know. Me turning into a ball of snot, unable to breathe in the middle of a parking lot doesn’t sound like a glorious God moment, but Psalm 34:18 tells us, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

And He was.

Though I felt deeply alone in my grief, I also felt a deep intimacy with the Holy Spirit because He saw me. He knew me. And He was with me.

And He’s with you.

So, if you’re avoiding acknowledging your grief today because you don’t feel ready to deal with the pain know this – God is waiting.

Acknowledging your loss starts with being honest about what you’re feeling and giving those feelings a name. It might seem overwhelming, but here are a few gentle steps to get started:

1. Pause and Reflect: Set aside a quiet moment to sit with your thoughts and let yourself feel whatever comes up. You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief—each emotion is valid.
2. Write It Down: Grab a journal and write a letter to yourself or the loved one you’ve lost. What do you miss? What hurts the most? This act of naming your feelings can be incredibly freeing.
3. Speak It Out Loud: If writing feels too distant, talk to God about it. Sometimes saying, “Lord, I feel broken, and I don’t know how to move forward,” is the most honest prayer you can offer. Remember, He already knows your heart.
4. Share with Someone You Trust: You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Whether it’s a close friend, pastor, or counselor, sharing your grief can lighten the burden.

And if you’re still wondering whether God can truly take all your pain and sorrow, let me remind you again—He can, and He will.

Remember, He sends His Holy Spirit as the comforter (John 14:26), waiting with arms open wide to hold you and your grief.

I know it’s hard. I know the hesitation and the doubt that says, can He really take it?

He can. I promise.

It’s okay to acknowledge, to surrender, and to pour out your heart to Jesus.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

That’s the God we serve.

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2. Seek Thanksgiving Gratitude in the Small Moments

Gratitude is more than just a feeling—it’s an intentional act of worship to God.

When Jesus walked the earth, He showed us how to be grateful, even in the most difficult circumstances.

One of the most profound examples of this is the day Jesus hung on the cross. Despite enduring unimaginable physical and emotional pain, He looked beyond Himself to fulfill His mission: leading people to the Father.

In the midst of suffering, He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Moments later, He assured the criminal beside Him, “Today, you will be with me in paradise.”

At first glance, this might not seem like gratitude. But think about it—Jesus expressed gratitude in action. He was grateful for the opportunity to intercede for the very people who wronged Him and to bring salvation to a man others might have dismissed as beyond saving.

Even in death, there was beauty. For the thief, it was the end of a life of sin and pain, and the beginning of an eternal life with God. Jesus, knowing the hope and redemption awaiting this man, had every reason to be grateful.

What does this mean for us? Gratitude doesn’t always look like joy in easy moments. Sometimes, it’s the quiet trust in God’s greater purpose, even in hard times.

Take a moment today to seek small, purposeful acts of gratitude. Look outside yourself to serve others, reflect on God’s goodness, or simply thank Him for the opportunity to glorify Him, even in challenging circumstances.

I know finding gratitude during grief can feel impossible, especially when the world around you is focused on celebration. But even in sorrow, gratitude can bring healing and hope. It’s not about ignoring your pain but about noticing the quiet blessings that remind you of God’s love.

Practical Steps to Find Your Thanksgiving Gratitude

Here are a few ways to find gratitude in small moments this Thanksgiving:

1. Cherish a Memory
   Reflect on a moment you shared with your loved one that brings a smile to your face. Thank God for the gift of that memory. Write it down or share it with someone—it’s a way to honor their life while practicing gratitude.
2. Embrace the Present
   Notice the warmth of a hug, the laughter of a child, or the comfort of a quiet moment. Gratitude grows when we see these small, everyday blessings.
3. Find Beauty in Creation
   Take a walk or admire the changing leaves. Nature reflects God’s faithfulness, reminding us He’s near.
4. Thank God for Strength to Keep Going
   Grief is exhausting, yet here you are. Thank God for the strength to face each day—it’s evidence of His sustaining grace.
5. Celebrate What Remains
   Though grief highlights what’s lost, gratitude shows us what’s left. Cherish those still in your life this Thanksgiving.
6. Create a Thanksgiving Gratitude Tradition
   Start a new tradition that incorporates gratitude into your grief. Write one thing you’re thankful for about your loved one and share it around the table. Or light a candle in their honor as you give thanks for the joy they brought to your life.

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3. Honor Your Loved One with Thanks

As you probably know, grief has a tendency to overshadow all things – including the good. But gratitude and grief can coexist. One of the most powerful ways to navigate the holiday season is to honor your loved one with thanks.

Reflect on the unique ways they blessed your life and the lessons they taught you.

Did they have a favorite Thanksgiving dish? Prepare it in their honor and share the story behind it. Were they the glue that held your family together? Talk about the traditions they started and how you can carry them forward.

You can also create new traditions to celebrate their memory. Light a candle at the dinner table, share a memory that made everyone laugh, or take a moment of silence to express thanks for their impact on your life.

Honoring them with gratitude doesn’t erase the pain, but it transforms grief into a meaningful way to keep their spirit alive. As Psalm 100:4 reminds us: “Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him; bless His name!” When we give thanks, even in grief, we honor not only our loved ones but also the God who gave them to us.

This thanksgiving we will have their pictures around the thanksgiving table and will share our favorite stories about them, as well as following our family game night tradition.

Though they won’t be here to enjoy this thanksgiving season, we still carry them in our hearts and through our hands.

Through these small acts of remembrance, we honor their place in our lives while embracing the gratitude that comes with cherishing the memories they’ve left behind. Yet, even as we hold space for these moments, we’re reminded that gratitude isn’t limited to grand gestures—it often blooms in the quiet, everyday moments.

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5. Focus on Connection Over Perfection

Ultimately, the most important thing this holiday season is to maintain and strengthen the relationship we still have.

It’s easy to accidentally let the grief overshadow the lives that are still with us. But with intentionality this season, we can both comfort the ones who are still here and fill our hearts with gratitude.

Now, I know the holidays often come with an unspoken pressure to make everything picture-perfect. But grief has a way of stripping away those superficial expectations, showing us what truly matters: connection.

Instead of stressing over the perfect table setting or a flawless meal, focus on the people around you. It’s the laughter, the hugs, and the conversations that create lasting memories—not the perfectly roasted turkey.

Give yourself permission to let go of unrealistic expectations this year. Order takeout if cooking feels overwhelming. Keep the decorations simple. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s creating space for meaningful moments.

As you gather with loved ones, remember Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.” Grief is a heavy burden but sharing it with those who care for you can lighten the load.

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6. Lean Into Your Faith

When grief feels overwhelming, lean into the God who never leaves your side. Faith is the anchor that steadies us when life feels chaotic, the light that guides us when the path is unclear.

This Thanksgiving, take time to rest in God’s presence. Pray, journal, or read scriptures that remind you of His faithfulness. Let Him carry the weight of your sorrow and fill your heart with peace.

One powerful practice is to start a gratitude journal, listing three things you’re thankful for each day—even if it’s as simple as a cup of coffee or a kind word from a friend. Gratitude shifts our perspective, helping us focus on God’s blessings rather than our losses.

And don’t be afraid to cry out to Him in your pain. Psalm 56:8 tells us: “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” God sees your grief, and He is with you in every tear.

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7. Be Gentle with Yourself

Above all, give yourself grace. Grief is deeply personal, and there’s no “right” way to experience it. If you need to cry, cry. If you find yourself unable to shed a tear, that’s okay too.

Often, we hold ourselves to an invisible standard of how grief should look. We question why we’re reacting a certain way—or not reacting at all. But the truth is, grief is as unique as the relationship you’ve lost.

For some, it’s a quick bounce back. For others, it’s a slow crawl through endless days. And for many, it’s a mixture—some days full of strength and others spent curled up under the weight of sorrow.

I’ve been there.

Recognizing What You Need

When my husband died, I found myself on my knees for two weeks straight, worshiping through my grief. I thanked God for the moments we shared, even as I mourned the loss of my partner.

When my brother passed, it was different. Some days I could worship; other days, I lay on the floor, feeling utterly lifeless.

Why the difference? When I lost my husband, I was 5 ½ months pregnant. I knew that if I didn’t take care of myself, my unborn son would suffer. But when my brother died, I didn’t have that immediate responsibility. Part of me felt like giving up entirely.

I reached a point where I stopped eating, stopped drinking, and stopped caring—until I realized what I’d be leaving behind. Slowly, I peeled myself off the floor. I drank a glass of water. I ate a small meal. And in those tiny acts of self-care, I discovered a way to worship even in my weakness.

I learned to let myself feel what I felt without judgment. I allowed myself space to grieve and gave my body what it needed to keep going.

So, if you’re reading this from your bedroom floor or struggling to find the strength to eat or drink, know this: it’s okay to feel this way.

You’re not alone.

And more importantly, God is with you. He’s sitting with you in the pain, and He’s holding you through the storm. This wave of grief will pass—little by little. Until then, give yourself the grace to simply be.

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Conclusion

Grief and gratitude might seem like opposites, but they’re more intertwined than we realize. This Thanksgiving, as you navigate the tension between loss and thanks, remember that it’s okay to feel both. You can acknowledge your pain while still seeking gratitude in small moments.

Honor your loved one with memories and traditions. Let go of perfection and embrace connection. And most importantly, lean into your faith, trusting that God will meet you where you are.

Grief isn’t something we get over—it’s something we grow through. And as we do, gratitude becomes a pathway to healing.

This Thanksgiving, may you find comfort in God’s presence, peace in your heart, and joy in the small moments that remind you of His goodness.

I Would Love to Hear from You

What are some things that stuck out to you today? Are there any thanksgiving traditions or practices you’re going to bring into your thanksgiving celebration to honor your loved one today?

How can you give thanks to God even in the midst of grief?

Let me know below in the comments.

And if you’re struggling to find things to be grateful for this Thanksgiving, download this free gratitude journal, get a hot cup of tea, coffee, or your favorite drink, and snuggle in with Jesus.