There is no louder sound than silence, especially in the midst of grief. Our hearts yearn for noise, for the comfort of familiar voices, for something to fill the void. But in that deafening silence, the voice we often overlook is Godâs. His still, small voice can be drowned out by the worldâs chaos, our pain, and the overwhelming weight of sorrow.
In the deep trenches of grief, I have asked myself, Are You there, God? Do You see me? Do You see my pain? If you have ever found yourself crying out to God, wondering if He hears you, this is for you.
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God is Near to the Brokenhearted
One of my favorite Bible verses is Psalm 34:18: The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Jesus Himself said, Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted (Matthew 5:4). Yet, when I lost my brother, I felt no comfort. My heart ached in ways words cannot express. I sat in the silence of my sorrow, crying out to God from the deepest places of my soul: How could You, God? He was my brother. He loved You.
Perhaps youâre wondering why I speak so much about my brotherâs passing but have not yet mentioned my husband. The truth is, their losses affected me in different ways.
When I met my husband in 2016, he had already been diagnosed with congestive heart failure (CHF) and was given only 18 months to live. If youâre familiar with CHF, you know how cruel a disease it can be. Yet, by Godâs grace, my husband lived nearly seven years beyond his diagnosis. In that time, he grew into a man who loved fiercely and forgave deeply. He went from telling God, Iâll stay out of Your house if You stay out of my life, to proclaiming, I truly love God. This is the first time I have a real relationship with Him.
When my husband passed, I was pregnant with our third child. The grief was unbearable, but I saw the beauty through the ashes. God had given us more time than we ever expected. We built a godly marriage, were married in a beautiful church, and even washed each otherâs feet before our weddingâa reflection of Christâs love. I also washed his feet before his burial. Though I grieved, I saw Godâs hand in his life and felt peace knowing I would see him again in glory.
But my brother⌠my brother was healthy. He loved the Lord. He had the kind of magnetic personality that drew others to Christ. I always believed he would one day be free from addiction and become a powerful speaker for God. But that wasnât his story. His death blindsided us, leaving behind an anger in me that burned like fire.
Wrestling with God in Grief
One day, overwhelmed by sorrow, I drove to my brotherâs favorite spot above town. I sat there, lost in thought. Then, I screamed. I screamed until my throat was raw, until I had no voice left. Then I cried. Then I screamed again. And then I fell to my knees and poured out my broken heart before God. Why did You take them from me? I asked. How could You?
And you know what God did? He listened. He didnât get angry. He didnât scold me. He just listened.
How do I know He listened? Because in that moment of raw vulnerability, I felt His presence. The Holy Spirit comforted me. And then, God revealed something to me that changed everything.
Seeing Through Godâs Eyes
My brother had written a letter to God just three days before he passed. His wife later found it in his journal. In it, he poured out his exhaustion, pleading with God for rest. He vowed to serve Him but feared he wouldnât be ready for the last days. He begged God to set him free from his struggles.
And God, in His mercy, gave him rest.
I had no idea my brother carried such fear and burden. But God did. And though my heart still longs for him, I find peace in knowing he is freeâfree from addiction, from fear, from suffering. He is at perfect rest with Jesus.
Finding Godâs Voice in the Silence
That doesnât mean I donât still cry. It doesnât mean I donât miss them. But it does mean I trust Godâs plan, even when I donât understand it. His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9). If I had my way, I would have begged God to bring them back. But God, in His infinite wisdom, had a bigger plan than I could see.
For many of us, the noise of the world drowns out the voice of God. Thatâs why setting aside time each day to sit with Him is essential. Jesus said, My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me (John 10:27). The more we dwell in His presence, the more we recognize His voice in our lives.
Clinging to Godâs Promises
Satan, being the deceiver that he is, loves to rub salt in our wounds. He whispers lies, making us dwell on what weâve lost rather than what weâve gained. But the Bible contains nearly 9,000 passages about Godâs promisesâpromises of healing, restoration, and hope.
If you are grieving, my encouragement to you is this: Make space for God. Spend time in His Word. Cry out to Him. He is near to the brokenhearted, and He will comfort you.
God is waiting. Will you seek Him in the silence?
