Macaroni and Pee?? How To Embrace The Chaos With Positive Parenting

Positive parenting is a term first introduced by Alfred Adler in the early 20th century, focusing on nurturing respect, empathy, and kindness in our children. But what does it mean to be a ‘positive parent’ in real life? And how can we bring this approach into our homes? Let me share a story with you…

We Create Plans

Slightly exhausted after a long day at work, I stepped outside and felt instantly re-energized by the sunshine. It was one of those rare, warm fall days that practically begged for a last-minute picnic. So, with a quick glance at the clock, I thought, “Why not enjoy the sun a little longer?”

Since the evening light was already slipping away, there was no time for a fancy meal. Mac and cheese it was—quick, simple, and a sure hit. Fifteen minutes later, my seven-year-old and two-year-old were sprawled out on the front lawn, bowls of warm, creamy macaroni in hand, soaking up the last rays of sun. But if you know kids, you know they don’t stay still for long. After a few bites, they were off and running, thrilled to have a grassy playground beneath their feet.

I watched my daughter attempt to climb a tree nearby, her laughter bubbling up with every step. Just then, I felt my two-year-old tug at my leg. I looked down and realized something was… off. He stood there, bare-bottomed and grinning, as proud as can be! I burst out laughing, my mind racing: Where did his pants and diaper go? After a quick scan, I spotted them across the yard.

Expect the Unexpected

But while I turned away for what felt like a second to grab them, he had other plans. He grabbed his macaroni bowl, toddled a few steps away, and set it down like it was his grand stage. Then, to my horror—and suppressed laughter—he proceeded to ‘bless’ his macaroni with an impromptu pee shower.

**Frozen in shock, all I could do was stare at this bowl of macaroni, now with an unexpected twist. Right then, I had a choice: react with frustration or respond with laughter. Parenting is rarely what we expect, and here I was, face-to-face with a moment that was messy, hilarious, and so… real.”

The Reality of Parenting: Expectations vs. Reality

Parenting rarely matches the cozy, picture-perfect images we have in our heads before the kids arrive. We have a tendency to imagine this sweet little bundle of joy full of coos, blowing bubbles as we lovingly connect eyes and rock them gently to sleep.

And sometimes, like in my case, life takes an unexpected, “unscripted” turn. Raising kids, especially little ones just learning boundaries, is unpredictable. This picnic turned into a comedy show, reminding me that reality isn’t always clean, calm, or convenient—it’s often chaos wrapped in a lesson. And, that’s okay!

God doesn’t expect us (or our children) to be perfect, and neither should we. Positive parenting allows us to find humor in life’s unexpected turns, and gives our families the space and the grace to grow and learn, without the shame of “failure”.

What is failure anyway? Other than unmet unrealistic expectations that we (or other people) place on ourselves, it is a metric that we choose to measure ourselves by. Success or failure.

Instead of focusing on successes or failures, maybe it’s time we focus on resilience and a willingness to keep going despite our circumstances.

Positive Parenting Means Finding Humor in the Unpredictable Moments

Moments like these remind us that sometimes, laughter is the only answer. Sure, peeing in his macaroni isn’t ideal, but it’s a story we’ll be laughing about for years! Humor helps keep us sane, turning ridiculous moments into memories. Here’s a quick list of “You know you’re a toddler parent if…” just to laugh along with fellow parents:

• You’re constantly finding tiny socks in places you’d least expect.
• Your purse has more snacks than your pantry.
• Silence isn’t golden—it’s suspicious.
• Your meal is often someone’s target for “experiments.”

Embracing the Chaos and Letting Go of Perfection

After years of striving for perfection, parenting has taught me that peace doesn’t come from avoiding messes but by embracing the inevitable and finding patience in the process. Moments like these remind me that I don’t have to control every detail, and I don’t need to! We’re learning, growing, and becoming more resilient, flexible, and, hopefully, a bit more fun-loving.

They say that the millennial’s and Gen-Z generations are the cure-breakers, the game-changers, and the ones who are stopping the family cycles of familial abuse. How brave we are! Personally, I think that’s why positive parenting has become a staple in most households. Parents are waking up to the harm caused by “old ways” and corporal punishment. But, we must!

It’s not easy to let go of everything you’ve been taught – including perfectionism. Yet, it is a joyful experience when you wake up one day and look at the mess in your home and not want to pull out your hair.

It’s a blessing when you can look at a bowl full of macaroni and pee and laugh instead of crying.

It’s a blessing to look at your beautiful bouncing little boy and thank God that he has a strong and healthy body that allows him to intentionally pee in his macaroni.

Positive Parenting Is Creating a Home Full of Love and Laughter

Two years ago, this situation might have ended quite differently. Filled with stress and battling mental health problems from years of emotional abuse, I might have easily chose to react with frustration. I likely would have frustratedly forced my kids to end their sunshine play and go inside as punishment for the ruined dinner and my hard work.

As embarrassing as it may be to admit this, I have not always been a good mom. But I am a work in progress.

Thankfully, after the death of my husband, I realized I could not continue this way. I restarted counseling and discovered that after years of so many years of abuse, I was burned out. I was stressed out. And I needed to take a back seat and heal.

Now-a-days, I am blessed to be a more peaceful and patient mom who chooses to laugh at the difficulties in life, rather than taking them to heart as yet another example of my failure as a parent, wife, sister, daughter, or friend.

And at the end of the day I realized, I want a home filled with love and laughter, not one devoid of chaos. Perfection isn’t the goal; instead, I use positive parenting to build a space where my children feel safe to be themselves, even if that means macaroni and pee mishaps. My aim is to create a sanctuary for them, a place where love outweighs any mess. A place that was not created for me as a child.

My goal is to simply live and enjoy the blessing of these beautiful littles God has given me. With the hope that one day, they’ll look back and say “thank you, mom, for giving me the space to make mistakes and discover who God has created me to be.”

The Truth Is…

Parenting is a beautiful, messy adventure where peace and chaos walk hand-in-hand. So next time, whether my evening is quiet or filled with a little extra “flavor” in the mac and cheese, I’ll cherish it all. It’s these moments, after all, that make the journey worth it.

Engage

I’d love to know – What’s your favorite parenting mishap? What “old way” parenting habit have you decided to leave in the past? And what have you found that works for your family?